Welcome to my house. You are beautiful. So unique. It’s exciting to have a non-green plant here. I have a spot all picked out for you. I took a picture to remember your unique beauty. The website I looked you up on says you are easy to care for.
But I want to warn you…I kill plants. No matter how I try, I can’t keep them alive. You are going to die a slow, painful, probably sudden death. I will either water you too much or too little.
I hope you prove me wrong and thrive here. I hope to see you live a long life.
Only time will tell.